As many of you know, I have an opinion about pretty much…everything, especially on the topic of pornography. The book 50 Shades of Grey is now a movie. (Gee… I didn’t see that one coming.) I have not read the book nor have I seen the movie; therefore, I should have no opinion about it, right? Wrong! I know it’s hard to believe that though I live in Colorado, I have never smoked pot, but I still have an opinion about it. By the way, I think we should change the Colorado motto to, “High on Altitude and High on Pot,” but now I’m digressing.
I will never read the book nor will I ever see the movie, because as a recovering sexual/lust/fantasy addict, I already know what it is about just from reading the reviews of others. I have been down that road thousands of times. It’s similar to an alcoholic, who is reading the ingredients on a bottle of alcohol, knowing full well alcohol is in the bottle they hold in their hands. I do not need to indulge myself in watching it, as I have done so enough before to know how that story ends.
Let me be very black and white. The book 50 Shades of Grey is p-o-r-n-o-g-r-a-p-h-y. In fact, it is not only pornography as a movie for men, it is pornography as a book for women. I have heard it said by Jimmy Evans, “Male pornography over sexualizes women, and female pornography over emotionalizes men.” I believe that this movie is just the beginning of many more to come, regardless how it does in the box office. Pornographic movies have been around since the beginning of movies. What I think makes this movie different is that it is bringing the low budget porn from the dark allies and hotels into the limelight and the silver screen. Movie makers clearly do not care about family movies with family values. In the end, sex sells. It always has and always will. It will be a box office hit and make hundreds of millions of dollars, so let me explain…Here is why.
Whether you agree or disagree with the Genesis account of the Creation Story, you need to understand humanity was created to be drawn to holiness. After the fall of man and woman, holiness was represented in our nakedness, which needed to be covered up, because humanity could no longer endure it without being consumed by it. However, our created desire as men and women was to be drawn to holiness, and that has not changed. This is a spiritual law, and it’s inescapable. Now you might not agree with this law, but it does not make it any less true. Holiness, nakedness, and sex are all wonderful and amazing things. They should be celebrated, because they were created to be celebrated.
For further discussion on this topic, refer to Dr. Doug Weiss’ book entitled, Clean. As I wrote in my previous article, pornography is all about a need for immediate gratification with no relationship.
This is what I call bad pleasure. Pornography is all about bad pleasure in that you get the pleasure first but payment comes second with shame, guilt, or addictive behaviors. A generation growing up with exposure to pornography and acting out with it creates a confusing paradigm, such as “sex is love.” Unfortunately, I predict this will not end well for anyone in that society, as violence usually increases as morality decreases. In good pleasure, payment is first and pleasure second. In a healthy relationship, two people invest in the relationship with love, vulnerability, kindness, transparency and celebration with sexual intimacy. Those with a healthy understanding of sexual pleasure and intimacy understand that “sex is a celebration of love.”
Pornography is all about fantasy; and like lust, both are about “taking.” They are self-focused and scarcity minded, believing there is never enough, and the desire for the next “high” is right around the corner. Imagination and love are about “giving,” as they are others focused and abundance minded, believing there is more than enough, and there is plenty to share.
Let’s look at the storyline. An insecure woman wants to feel loved, and she meets a strong, dominate, manipulative and even controlling man, who was neglected and abused as a little boy with emotional needs
that were never met. However, he appears to be the “nice guy.” He sweeps her off her feet. (By the way, did a woman write this book?) To him, sex and abuse is love. The woman betrays herself, and the man manipulates her to get what both think they want, which is love. However, to “feel” loved, unhealthy sexual acts occur. At the end, we’re to believe the abuses this woman experienced helped heal this man because of her “love.” Unfortunately, abuse usually just creates more abuse, codependency and two unhealthy individuals. In all my years of counseling addicts, two negatives generally do not equal a positive in relationships.
Now of all weekends, let’s release a movie on Valentine’s Day weekend to further reinforce the belief that sex (let alone violent, abusive sex) truly does equal love. It does not. All that is good about Valentine’s Day, such love, purity, marital commitment, compassion, kindness, giving and celebration is being twisted into lust, infidelity, adultery, immorality, anger and violence.
This movie wants you to believe that this kind of love and romance is “normal.” Unfortunately, “normal” is sexually and morally sick. If we as a culture, regardless of religious, racial, and socioeconomic differences, cannot stand up and speak out against this, we will all suffer as a culture, especially our children who we say we love. If we desire to be healthy, we are going to have to learn to be “abnormal.”
History has a habit of repeating itself. Throughout human history, great dynasties have most often come to an end, not because of great wars, but because of its sexual moral decay from within. It’s not grey at all. Sexual immorality will consume the people of a culture, as they consume sexual immorality.
But then again, what do I know? I did not live during the time of the Romans in the past, and I have never smoked a joint in the present. Don’t take my word for it. Here’s another review that describes how the two co-stars felt and thought after making this film.
Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.
Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.