Awkward

“I make a living from awkward… and it pays pretty well.

– Cory Schortzman

Counseling and therapy are full of uncomfortable conversations. However, when it comes to recovering from sex addiction, pornography addiction, infidelity, or intimacy issues in the bedroom, these conversations can be next-level awkward.

As a professional counselor, it takes tremendous courage to work with this population day in and day out. As a client, it takes just as much courage from the men and women who seek hope to heal.

Awkward is made up of the root awk and the suffix -ward. Awk or aboh in Saxon, or apuh in German means off, away, in the wrong direction, obsolete, or back handed. Ward for old English weard means turned toward, to turn, to wind, or to bend. It can also mean clumsy, which is the opposite of moving with ease and grace.

This is an interesting explanation of the word and the experience of helping others recovering from the consequences of not only sex addictions but addiction in general.

This culture is addictive and sick in so many ways. It is like a large vessel or boat on a river that is full of people. Some of which may be your family and friends. They are partying, having a great time, not paying attention to the current, as it carries them to their destruction through a huge raging waterfall. In fact, they may be encouraging you to jump on board and join them. “Everybody is doing it. It is so much fun. What is wrong with you? You are so abnormal.”

You realize what everyone is doing is sick and destructive but “normal.” You wisely choose not to join them and paddle your kayak against the current, away from the impending doom of the waterfall downriver. This means you are going to do what is “abnormal.” To be healthy and make wise choices, you must be abnormal. But being abnormal is very awkward, because you begin to ask the culture difficult, uncomfortable, and awkward questions about life, sex, money, politics and religion.

To turn your vessel around and head up stream against the current, it will initially feel like you’re going the wrong direction. You may feel turned around, and it will feel clumsy. Initially, you will not do it with ease or grace. To be healthy, you are going to have to learn to be abnormal and awkward. Doing things differently than everyone else is unfamiliar and uncomfortable, but you will need to learn to let go of your ego and what other people think of you. When you do, it is tremendously freeing.

Here are some examples of typical questions I ask of my individuals and couples:

When was the last time you viewed pornography?
When was the last time you masturbated?
When was the last time you had sex with your partner?
At what age was your first sexual experience?
Was it a wanted or unwanted experience or sexual touch?
How many sexual partners have you had in your life?
Have you been to an adult establishment?
Have you had an emotional or sexual affair?
Have you ever exposed yourself in public?
Is your partner aware of what you shared with me today?
Is there anything you do not want me to know today?

These are awkward questions, I get it. These get more specific depending on how they are answered. It takes courage to answer these questions honestly; but more importantly, it tremendous vulnerability.

What is so amazing is that most people tell me no therapist has ever asked them these questions. Yet, by the end of the first appointment, they are grateful and relieved to have shared such detailed information, most of which they have never exposed or been given the opportunity to tell anyone. They have never been asked such vulnerable questions in a safe place. Many described feelings of tremendous freedom from guilt and shame.

Now, this is just the beginning, because as these courageous men and women, who are so grateful, become healthy and free, they begin to have awkward conversations with their kids, spouses, parents, siblings, friends, religious leaders, and coworkers. It begins to have a ripple effect.

Here are some more questions to consider:

Awkard Questions for Politicians

Why are there generally only two political parties to choose from, not only in the USA but every country on the planet?
Why after voting since the age of 18 has nothing changed in our governments?
Why is your voting record different that your words?
Why does the government gaslight its people?
Why is everything taxed?
Why are we the only species on the planet that have to pay to live?

Awkward Questions for the Church

Why does the LORD describe himself as angry, jealous, and demand genocide in the Old Testament?
Why does the LORD command us not to kill; then he kills?
Why is the LORD’s murder count in the Old Testament over 2 million people and Satan’s is only 10?
Why is the LORD all caps in the Old Testament but then spelled lowercase Lord in the New Testament?
Why is the King James Bible so popular?
Who was King James?
Would you trust a translated/edited version of the Bible written by a President, Government, or King?
Why does the Church teach a homosexual Trinity?
When does the “evil” government dollar become a ”good” church dollar?
Why does the Vatican hide ancient documents, books, and scrolls from the public?

Awkward Questions for the Education System

Why have schools not changed the way they teach in over 100 years?
What do you know about mud fossils?
Why does erosion not work the way we have been taught?
Where did the oceans come from?
Why are there track lines on the bottom of the ocean on Google Earth?
What if the earth is flat?
What is the firmament?
Who was Admiral Byrd?
What is beyond the ice wall at the South Pole?
Why are there skeletal remains of giants?
Why has there not been a complete skeleton of a dinosaur found?
Why does the Smithsonian Museum hide artifacts and even destroy them?

I believe asking awkward questions is the key to healing individuals, couples, communities, cultures, and the planet. Having healthy mature conversations and discussions is the key to truth, and truth sets us all free.

What are some awkward questions you have for your partner, family, friends, or community?

Get started being comfortable with the unfamiliar of awkward.

Cory Schortzman Executive Director

Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.

Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.