Do It Different

When I was in college, most evenings my quad of roommates who shared a common area and restroom would stop whatever we were doing and watch an episode of Seinfeld. In one of the episodes, George decides to do everything in his day the opposite of what he would have normally done. If he wanted to say “no,” he would say “yes.” If he wanted to run and hide, he would face the issue. If he wanted to lie and tell people what they wanted to hear, he would be brutally honest. To his surprise, his life changes dramatically, as he meets a new girlfriend and receives the job of his dreams.

This might seem unrealistic, and we could blow it off as funny entertainment. However, there is some truth to what is going on. He is coming out of the low frequency and vibration of fear, anger, resent, codependency and coming into loving himself. He is waving his own “FLAG,” as we learned in the previous blog.

As you begin to set boundaries and move out of your codependency in recovery, you are going to upset a lot of people, especially close family and friends. You may even lose some relationships. However, as you grow and change, you will also gain healthier friends who are resonating at the same frequency as you are.

Another acronym is D-I-D. This does not stand for dissociative identity disorder, even though you might appear to family and friends you are going through an identity crisis. It stands for Do It Different.

In our previous blogs, we have learned how difficult and uncomfortable it is to unlearn old beliefs. These are core beliefs that are deep rooted in your identity. Ego has you convinced they are you, and you are them. But I assure you that you are much more than your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.

DID can be an easier, smaller step if you are struggling with unlearning and changing old beliefs. For example, you have committed to change this year and want to get up 30 minutes early to exercise, pray, or meditate. However, you can never seem to stop hitting the snooze button, even after setting your alarm to get up earlier the night before.

In that moment when you are about to hit your snooze button, you Do It Different in that moment. You throw the covers off, as you begin to practice your FLAG exercise, forgiving yourself for the things you did not do well the day before. You forgive your partner. You love yourself and list 3 things you like, love, or appreciate about yourself. You list 3 things you like, love, or appreciate about your partner. You list 3 things you are grateful for. That’s it! You jump out of bed, and now go exercise. You are doing IT different.

You also have committed to eating healthier; but every time in the moment it counts, you pick the unhealthy option. DID. Do it different. You finished exercise, you are showered, and now have the option of eating fruit or a donut. In that moment, you pick a banana. You are doing it different. One small choice at a time. Your smallest choices are now becoming your biggest victories.

You are not going to do it perfectly, and that is okay. Even if you made 5 or even 2 different choices out of 10 each day, you are making huge progress.

Those of us who are addicted to being offended allow our negative thoughts and emotions control us. In the moment, we want to get angry, bitter, and resentful about a person or situation and our hearts go to war. We have a choice to “DID” and practice holding those thoughts captive while we give the person or situation the benefit of the doubt.

This is not easy work, so be patient and kind to yourself. First, so you can be so with others. If you are your own worst enemy, you can be your own best friend.

Cory Schortzman Executive Director

Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.

Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.