Oftentimes, ego gets a bad rap, but I have learned it is not necessarily good or bad. It is from the primal part of our brain that is trying to keep us alive or not get eaten, if you will. Now most of us are not running from meat eaters in the bush, but our ego continues to do what it was designed to do. This is to keep us alive and prevent us from experiencing any kind of pain or suffering.
Ego perhaps was made most well-known by Sigmund Freud as well as the Id and Super Ego. I do not enjoy psycho-babble any more than the next guy, so I am going to take his complex and confusing concepts and simplify them.
In the Latin, we find these definitions:
- The Id the “it” or the fractured child.
- The Ego the “I AM” or the adult self.
- The Super Ego “The above, upper, beyond the I AM” also known as the critical parent.
EGO/MATRIX SYSTEM | ||
ID | EGO | SUPEREGO |
| Latin: The “It” | Latin: The I, “I AM” | Latin: The Above, Upper, or In Addition To the “I Am” |
| Split/ Fragmented Child | Adult Child/ The Fractured Self | The Critical Fractured Parent |
| The Young Hobbit | Strider AND Golum | The Eye of Sauron, The Satan, The Accuser, The Adversary |
| Break the Rules, Have fun, Sexual Desires and Drives | Trying to become a Royal/ King/Queen | Moral Compass, trying to do good, overcompensates compensates by being perfect and doing good things. Shoulder Angel. Shoulder Devil. Controls with shame and guilt |
You can also think of these 3 concepts as a triangle. The small child on the bottom left, the ego/ adult self on the bottom right, and the Super Ego/ critical parent on the top of the triangle.
Most of us have an inner child that was abused or neglected at some level on a scale from mild to severe during our childhood. The Id made promises and or vows to protect that child, which is you. This fractured child grows up and strives to become a physical adult. However, this is a struggle to become an adult when the inner child experienced trauma. The now Ego of Adult self looks like an adult on the outside but is very much a scared and fragile little boy or girl on the inside. Meanwhile, the Supra or Superego lords over the fractured child and the adult self, trying to become the sovereign King or Queen they were created to be and that is to be… FREE.
The Superego lords over with what Pete Walker describes at the inner and outer critic or the critical parent voice. In his book Complex PTSD, Walker describes this voice as a subconscious recording that is always playing to keep the adult you from becoming what you were born to be. The Superego keeps the Ego and Id down with a boot on the neck reminding you of your failures of the past and the fears of the future. It lies to you telling your that you are not worthy, and you must consent to its wishes. The Superego keeps us in a Live-Sin-Repent or Problem-Reaction-Solution cycle.
It is in this unholy trinity the Ego strives, fights and longs to protect itself along with the Id or fractured child from the abusive Superego’s criticisms, abuses, neglects. The problem is the critical parent knows the Id and Ego’s strengths; but most importantly, it knows their weakness, traumas, and how to push their buttons.
It is this understanding that can help you learn how to be grateful for your Ego, what it has done to get you this far in life and how it has helped you survive as an adult in most facets of your life. Ego fights for fairness and equality that the child was denied. Ego wants and demands justice.
The adult you and your inner child deserve better. Ego has stood up to Superego but to no avail. It is tired of not being able to breathe. Ego says, “I can’t breathe, but no more!” And for that, we are grateful. But most often what helps us survive our childhood does not help us thrive in adulthood.
In Part II, we will look at how Ego hurts us.
Sources: Complex PTSD -Pete Walker, A New Earth -Eckhart Tolle, A Return to Love -Marrianne Williamson, Aaron Abke Podcast YouTube, Richard Grannon Fortress Mental Health Protection YouTube
Cory Schortzman Executive Director
Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.
Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.
Kerry’s books include: Ashes to Beauty the Book and Ashes to Beauty the Workbook
Co-authored books include: 101 Blogs to Transform your Life, Volume I and Offended Deceived Addicted
