The ego is about dogma of all kinds. It loves to create contrast, so we can experience life to its fullest. As many know, I love the study of words, which is called etymology. The Hebrew word for ego is Ehyeh or Hayah. In the first person meaning “to be,” it can also mean “I am,” “I was,” or “I will be.” It can also be defined as “to create.”
Ego is the I am that is to be and to create. It is said that “the world is a stage.” To be or not to be? How fitting! What if ancient languages are telling us something? Is this what Shakespeare was trying to tell us?
I have come to the conclusion that the relationship between you and your ego is much like that between and an actor and their character. The actor takes on the persona or mask of the character with thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Now, the actor is separate from the life of the character, but the actor and character appear to be one. However, they are not.
After the scene, the character does not exist without the actor until the actor returns to the stage to manifest the character again. The actor knows they are playing a role on stage with other actors to experience the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of themselves and other actors to create an experience for each other and themselves. The actor controls the character they are playing.
The best actors often lose themselves in the play and the character. The actor controls the character. If the character were to control the actor and continue to influence the actor, not only on stage but off stage as well as in the actor’s everyday life, many would take notice and see this as strange and uncharacteristic of the person. Many might question the person’s mental health or perception of reality. Meanwhile, the actor is unaware the character they played is controlling them.
This is interesting because this is just like life. Ego, the character, tries to convince you that it is you and its thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are you, controlling you, but you are not aware.
Like any play or stage, there is usually an audience or observers who watch the actor play the role of the character(s). The audience is generally neutral with no real investment in the outcome, nor do they have an attachment to an outcome that is going to affect them once the play is over.
We too have the ability to be an observer of ourselves as the character and actor. The more we can move and un-attach ourselves from the character’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that control us as the actor the better chance we have to heal.
Ego is the part of the adult self who tries to become divine, sovereign and free. It is part of an unholy negative trinity, as it only serves itself.
As the person does recovery work working through issues of forgiveness of past neglects and traumas toward themselves and others to heal the id or inner child self with the help of the super ego, the inner critical parent becomes the loving, kind, and encouraging parent. Ego now becomes positive, knowing it is complete. The now healed three becomes a positive trinity and service to others.
Many refer to this as becoming woke, moving from unconscious, or asleep, to awake and conscious. I assure you this process takes time, and we usually need the help of others who have walked this road ahead of us.
In the light of global unrest, regardless of your attachment to outcomes of civil rights, countries, and flags or if you like or dislike them, try to do the following:
- Daily forgive yourself and others.
- Daily love yourself and others by being kind.
- Daily expect an abundance of these things and opportunities to practice them.
- Daily show and express gratitude.
I encourage you to create and wave your own FLAG of freedom, as you heal yourself and serve others. As you begin to practice these things and integrate all three of the fragmented trinity, you will begin doing the work of forgiveness, healing hurts, and releasing the anger, the id, or the child that can heal traumas and neglects.
The id moves from beliefs of fear and worthlessness to love and worthiness. The super ego, or the critical parent, begins to heal, as we thank it for protecting the ego and the id for doing its job. It begins to become the loving, kind, and encouraging parent not trying to control and take over the ego.
The ego, or our adult I or self, begins to finally heal and integrate. We begin to set and keep boundaries as well as move out of codependent relationships. Ego comes out of cognitive dissonance and Stockholm Syndrome. We, the observer, our soul-self, see how all three integrate into a healthy adult ego no longer fractured but divine, sovereign, and free. This new integration becomes a healed soul, and or spirit, which no longer needs the mask of ego.
Sources: Complex PTSD -Pete Walker, A New Earth -Eckhart Tolle, A Return to Love -Marrianne Williamson, Aaron Abke Podcast YouTube, Richard Grannon Fortress Mental Health Protection YouTube
Cory Schortzman Executive Director
Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.
Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.
Kerry’s books include: Ashes to Beauty the Book and Ashes to Beauty the Workbook
Co-authored books include: 101 Blogs to Transform your Life, Volume I and Offended Deceived Addicted
