- Parkinson’s Disease
- Heart Disease
- Peyronie’s Disease
- Cardiovascular Disease
- Metabolic Syndrome
- Multiple Sclerosis
- Medical and Psychiatric Medications
- Prostate Cancer Treatment
- Spinal Cord or Back Injuries
- Low Testosterone/Hormone Imbalance
- Clogged Blood Vessels (Atherosclerosis)
- High Cholesterol
- Diabetes or High Blood Pressure
- Over the age of 40 – No, maybe it is being over the age of 50 – Or, is it being over the age of 60?
- Lack of Exercise
- Food Choices/Eating Habits
- Tobacco Use/ Smoking
- Poor Sleep/ Sleep Disorder
- Drug/Alcohol/Substance Use
- Unresolved Conflicts
- Professional Stress
- Personal Stress
- Performance Anxiety
I find it interesting that I did not find any professionals who discussed any additional reason why we might have so many men in our culture with ED. These are all real and legitimate reasons many men suffer from ED. However, as a Sexual Recovery Therapist working with men with sex addiction, it is clear to me that there is another reason most men suffer from ED of any age. However, you are in luck, a blue pill can fix it all.
I believe one of the top reasons (do I dare go as far to say it may be the number one reason so many men struggle with ED) is that they are addicted to masturbation – and not just masturbation but masturbating to porn. Never in all of human history has pornography been so readily available to every person in the world. If you have a smart phone, you are carrying porn in your pocket or purse. If you have a computer or gaming unit, you also have access to pornography.
There is growing number of female sex addicts. Just like alcohol was once thought to be a problem for men, women struggle with alcohol as much as men. Pornography is no different.
Recently, I was listening to a local radio station with an advertisement for a men’s clinic that specializes in treating ED. In the radio commercial, they implied successful intimacy with your partner can only be achieved with the ability to maintain an erection. In fact, it was also implied that sex is love. To be loved is to have the ability to maintain an erection. The truth is that the brain is your main sex organ, not the penis, and your heart is the main organ for love. What you fill them with is what they will desire and want more of in the future.
There is something severely wrong with this thinking; however, it is a lie our culture has embraced. We have wives who call our office not sure why their spouse does not want to have sex with them anymore. This generally does not occur right away and is a slow progression over time. Their spouse may struggle with intimacy anorexia or may also struggle with any of the reasons we discussed at the beginning of this article. However, more often than not with a little questioning, the husband has an addiction to porn and masturbation that he brought into the marriage. In addition, there may also be emotional or physical affairs or massage parlors, etc.
“Get over it Cory! That’s what men do. It’s normal for men to masturbate.” It might be “normal;” however, it is not wise. Generally, the things little boys did before they were married that helped them survive as a child does not help them thrive in their marriage as a responsible man. Masturbation and/or porn robs and steals the sexual energy from a marriage that God intended and designed for it to have. It kills intimacy and love [http://www.fightthenewdrug.org/porn-completely-poisoned-our-sex-life/]. Most men believe they can stop after they get married. However, if that were true, we would be out of business since the majority of our clients are married men.
If your spouse is struggling with ED or is disinterested in you physically or sexually, you as the wife have the right to ask your husband these 3 questions: 1) Are you or have you ever viewed pornography? 2) Are you masturbating? 3) Are you having hand, oral, vaginal, or anal sex outside of our marriage?
More often than not, your husband will respond in one of two ways. He will be honest with you, or he will become defensive, angry or silent. He may redirect the discussion toward you and begin to accuse, blame or criticize you. Do not believe his words as much as his actions and behaviors.
There is hope. We have treated many clients who struggled with ED. Many have reported they no longer have a need to use the blue pill after they have been in recovery. If both you and your spouse are willing to fight for your marriage, ED is very treatable due to masturbation and pornography issues.
Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.
Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.