Feminine & Masculine Sexual Polarity

In the last few blogs, we have been unlearning what we thought we knew about sex. I know it is difficult to let go of our Western, Christian, political, and educated egos. It is painful and scary. Unlearning is difficult but very rewarding. Keep egoic attachments to outcomes out of this.

This week, we are going to look at specific examples of the feminine and masculine polarities. Take some time to read through this list. You must understand that as a woman, you are not going to have all the qualities listed. In fact, you may relate to many of the masculine qualities. This will be true for men relating to many of the feminine qualities as well. This is not “right” or “wrong.” We are here to unlearn and understand.

The goal is to recognize yourself and your partner’s sexual polarity. This is only a macro view. I encourage you to read Intimate Communion by David Deida and any of his other books to gain a full understanding.

Feminine	Masculine
Searches for Love	Searches for Freedom
Attracts	Pursues
Receives	Penetrates
Consumes	Releases
Longs to be Filled	Longs to be Empty
Opens and Surrenders	Enters and Consumes
Gets Into Nature	Gets out of Nature
Chaos	Organization
Much like Maui, Hawaii	Much Like New York City, New York
Slows Down	Hurries Up
Relaxes	Driven
Discovers Self in the Relationship	Discovers Self in Solitude
Life	Death
Never to be told “you’re ugly”	Never to be told “you’re wrong”
Hears Mood and Tone	Hears Words
“Feel how much I Love You”	“Show you how much I Love You”
Focuses on the Individual Tree	Focus on the Forest
To be Worshiped	Desires to Worship
In the Flow	On the Go
Gives Sex for Love	Gives Money for Love
Invites	Pushes
Attracts	Guides
Wants Closeness	Wants Freedom
Expression of the Problem	Solves the Problem
Purpose is to Radiate Beauty	Purpose is to Direct Options
Gravity to Pull Together	Centrifugal Force to Push Apart
Committed to Practicing Love	Committed to Practicing Freedom
Goddess	Warrior
Surrendering to	Released from burdens via Beer, TV, Philosophy, Esoteric Spirituality, Meditation, Vision
Comes Alive and Opens when she is Filling her Senses of Emptiness	Comes Alive and Opens Heart by Living on the Edge or Die Trying, Releases his Sense of Constraint
Offended by him Loving his Work or Adventures more than her	Offended by her Restricting his Adventure and Freedom
Can become addicted to sensual experiences, tasting delicious sweets, wines, beautiful clothing, social and sexual sensations	Can become addicted to reducing sensations, emptying himself, releasing himself from life burdens, drinking to numbness
“Can’t you feel how much I love you”	“If you loved me, you would or would not have done _______.

When these sexual polarities are restricted, limited, shamed, guilted, or out of balance no longer pushing and pulling each other, they become naturalized. Understanding this so important because this impacts love and romance.

It is not that so many couples fall out of love or no longer want to be romantic with each other. It is that the sexual polarity no longer has the magnetic force it once did. One or both may begin to seek this energy or chemistry outside the relationship with another person or addiction.

Knowledge is power. Understanding this, any couple can recharge the battery of polarity love and romance and has a great chance of reigniting the coals into a living flame again.

Sources: Intimate Communion Awakening Your Sexual Essence by David Deida

Cory Schortzman Executive Director

Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.

Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.