Forgiveness Part 3 | The Addiction to Being Offended

This past year has been a very difficult year for my recovery, as I have reset my sobriety date. I spent several days very angry with internalized rage. I was angry about all the deception and lies throughout the world around me as well as the sexual immorality and sex trafficking in our society.

You see, I was really, really angry. I was so angry I felt as though I was not even in my own body, and things around me seemed surreal. I was not sleeping well, as I would awaken with negative thoughts and emotions. I knew if I did not get a grip on this and let it go, it was going to affect my personal and professional life like a dangerous time bomb.

For several days, I wrestled with this. My wife and I would talk and try to process what was going on, but I believed I was justified in my anger. Are we not to be angry about the injustices we see in the world? How could this world be so deceived?

Over a week later when I was meeting with a client, God revealed to me that I was deeply… OFFENDED. BAM! I felt like I was hit with a bat! I fell into my old addiction… yet again. How does this continue to happen? After all, I’ve been in recovery for how many years? How can I keep falling into this trap?

Through all this, I have discovered beneath any and every addiction is an even deeper root cause that is hidden and rarely ever discussed in the recovery world. This addiction is so deceptive and cunning it is rarely ever detected. It is the addiction to being offended.

Simply stated, I have this addiction to being offended. I am an addict of offense and love to drink from the cup of it. It is sweet, warm, cozy, and soothes my being… in the short term. It is the most amazing thing you will ever drink, and it is only laced with a tiny drop of poison. However, if you drink it often and long enough, it will kill you.

After meeting with my client, I realized I had fallen into my addiction to being offended. I reset my sobriety date because, ultimately, I was complaining.

Complaining, which is always justified in our own mind, is destructive. Ultimately, what I am saying when I am complaining, whether it’s a real or an imagined offense by whatever or whomever is bothering me, is really stating, “God you are doing this wrong. It needs to be done this way. I don’t trust you know what you are doing.” Crazy, isn’t it?

The Bait of Satan by John Bevere is an absolute must read for every person in recovery. I would also recommend The Bonds that Make us Free by Terry Warner as well as The Anatomy of Peace and Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute.

In his book, John Bevere states, “Offense is the breeding ground for deception.” If we are in deception, then we are offended. How often have I been deceived in my life because I’m thinking and believing that others have hurt me?

In his book, Terry Warner states, “Every time you feel a negative emotion you are believing a lie.” I remember the first time I read those words I could not receive them, because my whole life (even at the time of 8 years into recovery) I felt negative emotions all the time. How could this be true?

Eventually, I realized I had learned to allow my negative emotions to dictate my behaviors. If I learned this, I could also unlearn it as well as learn how to live differently. And so, the journey began, and this revelation took me even deeper into the core of what fed my other addictions. I cannot fathom all the times I allowed myself to become offended by my negative emotions about someone or something when I believed I was right, and they were wrong. I was deceived. This was difficult to admit about myself, but the freedom has been priceless!

You see, ultimately, I realized I was offended with God. Pride took root in my heart by drinking from the sweet cup of offense. I suddenly realized the world was not deceived. I was because I was… offended.

As long as I am offended, it is impossible to clearly hear from God and live effectively in relationship with others. Living in offense, I put myself in a place of authority to be the judge as well as to act and be like God. In the long term, this would drive me to want to medicate in any of my other addictions. I asked for God’s forgiveness, and He forgave me. The next day God not only showed up, but He showed off!

You may or may not have asked yourself these questions. Am I addicted to be offended? Do I spend my time wallowing in self-pity, thinking others are out to ruin my life?

Did someone cut you off in traffic on your way to work this morning? Did the barista not give you as much in your cup as the customer served before you? Did your boss overlook your hard work and promote someone else? Do your kids enjoy spending time with teachers or coaches more than they enjoy time spent with you? Do you argue with your friends on social media over politics or social issues?

Did you find yourself getting worked up just reading those questions? What is your initial typical reaction when these things happen in your life? Unfortunately, for many of us, our reaction tends to reflect that we may indeed be addicted to being offended.

Who and what have you been offended by? Are you a complainer?

We live in a culture full of people who have an addiction to being offended as well as those in an emotional addiction who are deceived by their own emotional reality, believing that their misfortunes and negative emotions in life are everyone else’s fault. They are entitled to what others have, yet they themselves have never worked for it.

The addiction to being offended is an epidemic. We can’t change others, but we can change the world tomorrow by starting with ourselves today.

You have most likely heard of this word or used this word. Different forms of the word are used almost daily in the media, such as:

“What they said was offensive!”

“I do not mean to offend anyone, but…”

“I am so offended by what my opponent said in this political race.”

“We take offense by what they did (or did not) say.”

However, have you ever really stopped to think what it really means?

Whenever I ask most people if they were offended by what their spouse did or said about such and such, most often they respond with:

“No, I was not offended but I was hurt, frustrated, and disappointed. Yes, they have hurt me, but I feel like I have forgiven them. I have moved on.”

Most will deny feeling offended. They will admit to feeling hurt, angry, or disappointed but not offended.

What does this word mean? How is it defined? The Strong’s Concordance defines it the following way.

Definition: I cause to stumble, cause to sin, cause to become indignant, shock, offend. Cognate: 4624 skandalízō – properly, set a snare (“stumbling-block”); (figuratively) “to hinder right conduct or thought; to cause to stumble” – literally, “to fall into a trap” (Abbott-Smith) (Skandalon, 4625).

Here, we see being offended simply means “to cause to stumble.” It can also mean to “set a snare” or to “fall into a trap.”

Now, you may be thinking you have never heard of this, or you may be wondering where this is this found in Scripture. Well, let’s take a look at 2 Timothy.

“Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart. But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.” – 2 Timothy 2:23-26 (NKJV)

This is a powerful passage. Do you see that becoming offended sets us up to be ensnared and entrapped by Satan himself? We are then taken captive by him to do his will! When we are offended, we are deceived and tricked. We are caused to stumble into doing Satan’s will. Yet, most of us do not even know it. We have no clue this is what is going on. It does not matter whether we are a Christian or not, we are Satan’s puppet, and he is the puppet master (Offended Deceived Addicted p. 22-25).

Is your heart offended and at war? Are you still not sure if you have problem or an addiction to being offended? Take the Offended Heart Self-Assessment today to find out.

Cory Schortzman Executive Director

Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.

Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.