High Value Women

Now we are going to look at the character traits that make a high value woman. As I shared in the last blog, many men struggle in our culture because they have not been initiated into manhood or mentored in that process by the men before them.

I ask women the same question: What is a woman, and when did you become one? Most women will remember their first menstrual cycle and the physical process of puberty — the journey from girlhood to womanhood. However, how do you define what it means to be a woman? When did you become one? Did it occur when you graduated high school or college? Here in the United States, the culture sends confusing messages: you can join the military and die for your country before the age of 21, but you cannot legally drink until after you turn 21. Furthermore, try to rent a car before you are 25 without extensive fees — if you are allowed to at all — even though you have been driving since 16. Did you become a woman with your first beer, your first vape, your first sexual partner, or when your first child was born?

Like men, many women have not been initiated or mentored by women — or by their fathers — to grow and prosper in their feminine. As we have seen, feminism has taught them that they can have it all and be like the “self-reliant” man: have a career first, have kids and start a family second. The problem is, most often this is not true biologically. Also, as we have seen in this series, the sexual marketplace (SMP) does not support it. Unfortunately, a woman’s sexual market value (SMV) is highest in her 20s. Many hardened “boss babe” women in their 40s — and even mid-30s — are now lonely and angry, trying to figure out where all the men have gone and why men are not choosing them over their softer, more feminine, 20-something competitors. Men want peace, support, and a partner who does not compete with them. But don’t take my word for it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQoe1lz4c8s&t=3s. Additionally, men are no longer willing to play the divorce court game and risk losing everything when they are loyal and she is “unhappy” or believes “I outgrew him.” Divorce courts are slowly changing as women can no longer cash out or leverage the children: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUsRLogAqj0&t=406s.

Have women been lied to? Is it too late to find a man and start a family? For many women, the answer is “yes, it is too late.” Career women are regretting not having children and a family: https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/regret-belittling-men-63-ended-up-alone-3569366. An alarming number of women in their 40s are now on antidepressants as women wake up to what is coined as “hitting the wall” — and “the wall” is undefeated.

It saddens me to see this. I am concerned for my own daughters and grandchildren. It is my hope that we can learn from the mistakes of those before us and teach the lessons we have learned to those after us. Like the list I made for high value men (HVM), I also made a list of over 50 traits that make a high value woman (HVW). I arranged them into 5 categories, beginning with where I see women struggle the most — which is a different order than the men. Neither is “right” or “wrong”; it is just different, and different does not mean deficient.

I do not expect women to have every character trait all the time. That would not be possible, and we are not striving for perfection — perfectionism and codependency have destroyed countless women. This list is only to be used as a guide that may apply during different chapters of your life. I hope it creates a conversation with your partner and the women around you. You may not agree with everything on the list, and that is fine. I only hope it makes you think differently. What would you add or remove? How are these similar to or different from your own experience?

Here are my thoughts on what makes a high value woman:

Self-Discipline (most difficult for women)

She is content with what she has AND does not have.
- She lives in the NOW and is happy in it.
- She is not caught up in “I will be happy when ____ ” or “if ____.”
- She does not chase perfection or fall into the trap of always having to be perfect.
- She embraces her flaws and shortcomings as places of growth.
She finds her happiness inside herself.
- She is secure in herself.
- She lives inside-out, not outside-in.
- She knows no man, woman, child, or parent is responsible for her happiness.
She lives in her God-fidence.
- On her own, she is able to make a list of 20 things she likes, loves, or appreciates about herself. She identifies her talents, abilities, and gifts (TAG list).
- She lives in gratitude in all things, big and small.
She puts her kids’ and her man’s well-being above her own selfishness.
She takes responsibility for her choices and does not blame others.
- She is aware of the damage feminism has caused women.
- She sees the double standards that femicentric attitudes have created.
  - Rather than the statement or accusation: “If you were a real man, you would ____ or do ____ for me” —
  - She begins to ask the question: “If I were a real HVW, I would ____ or do ____ for others / for him.”
She is accountable for her behaviors.
- She does not hide behind Jesus, faith, or over-spirituality to excuse her behaviors.
- She takes responsibility for old behaviors and changes them.
- She is comfortable admitting she is “wrong” when needed.
- She knows how to apologize and practices doing so.
She saves herself for marriage and monogamy.
- She has a low body count.
She spends less than she makes and inner-stands money management.
- She knows how shopping can become an addiction.
She is able to listen more than she speaks.
- She gives space for her man and others to speak.
- She strives to understand before being understood.
She keeps disagreements with her man private.
- She does not post them on social media, covertly or overtly.
She is willing to do what is hard and difficult, even when she does not feel like it.
She has spiritual awareness — faith in a higher power: God, Source, Christ, All, etc.
- She is patient, able to be still, and able to wait.

The Golden Rules

She is aware of “The Golden Rules.” Her emotions are not a truth detector of what is “right” or “wrong” simply because she agrees or disagrees.
- Emotions are NOT used as a polygraph.
Right vs. Wrong moves toward Wise vs. Foolish.
Happy vs. Holy.
Fault vs. Responsibility.
Want vs. Give in relationships.
Life is not either/or — it is about the AND.
- AND changes DNA.

Inner-Standing

She inner-stands that boundaries are used to protect her and her assets.
- Boundaries are never used to punish others.
- Saying “no” to others in order to say “yes” to herself and her family.
- She no longer feels guilt or shame when she says “no” — she feels peace.
She inner-stands that correction and feedback do not make her “wrong.”
She inner-stands how to overcome the egoic need to be “right.”
- She knows how to become the observer of her emotions.
- She does not let her negative emotions or attitude become an excuse for bad behavior.
She inner-stands how to have a non-egoic conversation.
She inner-stands that the uncomfortable and unfamiliar help her grow.
She inner-stands that her feelings are real, but not always reality.
- She knows the difference between her thoughts and her feelings.
- She knows that her most negative thoughts and feelings can lie to her.
She inner-stands that her man is not a woman.
- She assumes he wants what is best for her.
- When she is angry, she is able to slow down and do the opposite of what is typical.
She inner-stands that love is a verb — action, not a feeling.
- She overcomes programmed codependency.
She inner-stands that her man is the prize — not her.
She inner-stands that personal relationships will never make her happy.
She inner-stands that what is lawful is not always legal — being sovereign is not the same as being a citizen.
She inner-stands that facts do not care about her feelings.

Recovery | Therapy

She is teachable and does not act entitled.
She is aware that attention is to women what porn is to men.
- She knows the dangers of social media attention and her dopamine addiction to it.
She is willing to work on her addictions and seeks support from other women regarding her negative emotions, drug or alcohol use, and female porn (rom-coms, romance novels).
She heals her past trauma(s).
- She knows that trauma is not a permanent condition.
- She forgives all those who have hurt her.
She lives inside-out, not seeking affirmation from the outside-in.
She is secure in herself and her relationships.
- She does not project her insecurities onto her husband or children.
She has integrity and says what she means.
She is hungry to learn new things. She prioritizes self-improvement and education, reads, and listens to books.
She speaks plainly to her man.
- She says what she means and means what she says.
She moves from victim to victor thinking.
She maintains boundaries with her children, knowing she is a parent — not a friend — to them.
She is respectful and loyal to her man.
- She knows her man desires her respect more than her love.
- She does not compete with him personally or professionally.
She loves her man — not her fantasies or perceived “other options.”
- She loves him for the 90% of who he is.
- She loves and forgives him for the 10% of who he is not.

Service to Others | Personally and Professionally

She supports her man’s mission and vision.
She assumes the best of her man.
- When she is angry with him, she does the opposite of what is typical.
She shows appreciation and gratitude to her man.
She provides value with her talents in and outside the home.
She provides a home and atmosphere of peace for her man and children.
She prepares for the future of her family.
She strives to be a Proverbs 31 woman.
She initiates touch and sex with her man.
She acknowledges and reciprocates his efforts.
She has female friendships and relationships.
- As a student.
- And as a teacher.

Self-Care | Education (least difficult for women)

She puts herself first.
- She loves herself and forgives herself daily so she can love and forgive others.
She builds relationships with other women.
- She is being mentored.
- She mentors other women.
Self-improvement is NOT about “finding herself” by leaving her husband and kids.
- It is not only about dieting and working out.
- It is about deep inner work — facing herself in the mirror.
She embraces her feminine sexuality, enjoys sex, and is responsible with her sexuality.
- She does not control or manipulate her partner with it.
She is abundant-minded.
- She no longer lives in lack or fear.
- She lives in abundance and feels as if it has already happened.
She no longer lives in the low mental frequency of duality — good/bad, right/wrong.
- She lives in the high heart vibration of what is wise for herself and her family.

Cory Schortzman Executive Director

Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.

Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.