In Part I of the Ego Series, we saw how the ego (which is the Latin word for the “I AM”) helped us survive our childhood as well as the role it played to help us; and for that, we are grateful. In Part II, we are going to look at how the ego hurts us.
In the light of current world events with protests and riots, I have seen the same theme in my office when it comes to relationships between couples and families. This is a theme of the ego. Ego always creates separation, dualism, and polarity. It wants justice according to itself and its perspective. Ego is always about being right, having status or power to lord over or win. It is attached to the result and outcome it deems correct, right, or fair. The ego always plays the victim card. This theme is seen in humanity on a planetary scale as well as with married couples, parents and their teen children in my office.
In every case when ego wins, the child, teenager, parent, wife, husband, marriage, man, woman, or child of every race in humanity…loses. When ego wins, we all lose. It tricks all of us in believing it is protecting us when it is only protecting itself or the individual for itself.
You see, ego lives in constant fear. When you feel fear or any negative emotion for that matter, you are ALWAYS believing a lie and being deceived. It loves to be upset, unsatisfied, bitter, or offended. It does not want an end to problems. If a problem is resolved, ego reminds you of past wrongs done to you so you can suffer in the memory. Problems and pain are its identify and the energy it feeds from. Ego is an addiction to blaming and finding fault. It has to in order to survive the voice of the critical parent or superego. Once the superego has shamed the ego enough, the ego vomits the same onto those around them.
Ego is like that of an enormous mansion behind a fortified wall, with no furnishings or inhabitants, beautiful and protected on the outside, but empty and lifeless on the inside: waiting, longing, and demanding to be filled.
It demands all your time an attention to fill it; but no matter how much you give, it always wants and demands more, convincing you just a little more will be enough. It is never enough, because it demands perfection of everything and everyone except itself. It thrives and survives in lack. It loves the double standard but does not see it as such.
It is this lack that convinces you the lack is you, not ego. It is you who are broken, incomplete, ugly, demonic, or evil (Satan, adversary, or the accuser). However, you have been and will always be enough past, present, and future. You were lied to. It is these lies that you believe to be true that also keep you in prison. The key, the lock, and the knob are all on the inside. You can free yourself if you choose.
Ego takes love and rarely gives love, kindness, charity, or anything else. The love of ego is always with judgement and conditions.
I would say all narcissists have unhealed egos, but not all people with unhealed egos are narcissists.
The ego loves to remind you and bring up old memories of suffering, being hurt, mistreated, abused, abandoned, or neglected. It convinces you that it is you, and you are it.
These are all the ways ego can hurt us as it protects us.
We are grateful for its protection.
Ego you have served us well. We thank you for being the adversary and the antagonist. Without you, we would have never known light without the dark, joy without the pain, love without the hate. We grow and learn in the suffering.
We release you.
Thank you.
Sources: Complex PTSD -Pete Walker, A New Earth -Eckhart Tolle, A Return to Love -Marrianne Williamson, Aaron Abke Podcast YouTube, Richard Grannon Fortress Mental Health Protection YouTube
Cory Schortzman Executive Director
Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.
Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.
Kerry’s books include: Ashes to Beauty the Book and Ashes to Beauty the Workbook
Co-authored books include: 101 Blogs to Transform your Life, Volume I and Offended Deceived Addicted
