Love...It's Greek to Me, Part I

In the previous three blogs, we have been talking about fear and how it controls much of our world. Now, we are going to look at how love can heal our world.

The word love is perhaps one of the most used and abused words in the English language. Rarely does a song, poem, movie, fictional or self-help book, not mention it. If I think about it, I realize I love a lot of things. I love pizza. I love my job. I love my kids. I love my dog. I love my wife. I love myself. I love a good movie. Yet, do all the ways in which I use the word love mean the same thing? Of course not.

Over the years, I have collected and learned the different Greek words for love along with their meaning.

Agape – This is the love a creator or God has for its creation. This type loves for the sake of loving. It is unoffendable and expects nothing in return. It simply gives to give. As humans, the closest example I can think of is the love a mother has for her newborn child. The child will only take and is totally dependent on the mother to feed, protect, provide, and nurture. The mother will do so willingly and selflessly. She will sacrifice her sleep, health, and even her life if need be. This type of love is the highest in frequency.
Scorge – This is a love a parent has for a child. It is an unconditional familial love. Now, I love my children, but I do not always like my children. Once the infant has grown up and is now a teenager, my love can become offended.
Xenia – This is the love someone has for a guest in their home. They are willing to take care of them. It is the love of hospitality.
Philia – This is the love of friendship, also known as brotherly love. This where the city of Philadelphia gets its name.
Ludus – This type of love is about having fun and flirting. It is a young type of love that couples have early on in a dating relationship. It has a big flash but can die out quickly, as it is not stable. It is much like throwing gasoline on a fire. It has a big explosion but quickly dies out.
Pragma – This love is stable and can withstand the test of time. It is long lasting and enduring. Couples who have been married for 30 or more years may experience this. The highs and lows are no longer volatile.
Philautia – This is also known as self-love or the love you have yourself. It is amazing to me how many people struggle with truly loving themselves inside and out. Many people struggle with being able to identify 20-30 things they love about themselves from their character qualities, things they can do or have accomplished, and their musical or artistic talents. Most struggle with loving how they look and their physical attributes.
Eros – Finally, this type of love is where we get our word erotica. We, as Americans, love this one. This is about the other “L” word, LUST, and romance. Lust gets a bad name but is not only about sexual lust. It is also about passion or a strong desire which can be a positive thing. One can lust for a new job, more money, a better car, house, clothing or for someone else’s relationship. Eros has a place. Like agape, it is about giving but now without strings attached to get or receive something in return. This type of love is give to get.
Mania – This is the where the word manic comes from. This type of love is an obsessive love. This can lead into stalking, controlling, jealous, and even violent behavior. This is what we call in counseling codependency. This is the lowest in frequency, and the most unhealthy type. Couples in this type of love may feel one or both are about getting, taking and never giving. It’s like having two ticks and no dog, both are sucking the life out of each other.

It is interesting that everyone wants to be loved unconditionally. However, I am not sure this is possible as long as the human ego is involved. For example, jokingly… if I take both my dog and my wife and put them in the trunk of my car on a hot summer day for 30 minutes, which one is going to be happy to see me after I open the trunk? The dog of course. This may not seem very nice; and no, I have never done such a thing, but it makes a good point.

Who knew that when we used the word love it could be so complex and misunderstood? Greek, Spanish, French and many other languages have different words for love. So it’s no wonder when a man says to his wife, “I love you,” she is thinking agape or scorge; however, he is thinking eros.

This word love is so complex, not only in meaning but emotionally as well. Love can be felt and experienced very differently by each individual or the observer. One person can be moved very deeply by a musical piece, and the other not at all.

What is love really? How would you describe it to a person visiting earth that has never experienced it? Can you describe it with your 5 senses?

Next week, we will look at love and why it is so important in transforming ourselves and the world around us.

Cory Schortzman Executive Director

Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.

Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.