Are Men Disposable?

Men exist to facilitate a feminine reality. -Tomassi

In our last blog, we looked at the gender war. If you did not watch or listen to the links by Cassie Jaye, you will not understand these next blogs in this series about our sexual culture.

The genders are not coming closer together, they are driving each other further apart.

Men’s Rights Activist (MRA) founder Pual Elam and avoiceformen.com states, “If men have all the rights and all the power, why are they not allowed to talk about their problems?”

Do we value female life more than male life?

Warren Farrell in his book, The Myth of Male Power (1993), believes that men are not the “privileged sex” but the disposable and oftentimes more powerless gender. Both genders have become constrained by societal roles and expectations; however, the sacrifices men make are often unrecognized, misunderstood, and unappreciated.

In his book, he makes several points. First, male power is a myth because men dominate positions in business, politics, military, and leadership roles. This is factually true; however, these roles come with expectations of self-sacrifice, not privilege. This “power” is more often than not to provide for others, not to control and have power over their own lives. Have men abused this power? Of course, there are always bad apples in the bunch.

Second, men are expected to sacrifice themselves in war, dangerous jobs, and be providers for the family. Historically, societies across the plant treat men as expendable tools for protection and provision.

Third, society places expectations on women as holding the “power” through influence, such as being the gatekeepers of sex, family, childbearing and rearing. Men are “success objects” and gain value, love, approval, and acceptance by achieving and providing to society as compared to women being “sex objects” that gain value from appearance. Both of these perspectives of the other are limiting and need to change.

Fourth, Farrell, who was once a feminist himself, is critical of feminism, as it focuses on women’s disadvantages and ignores men’s. Feminism promotes a victim narrative for women and a villain narrative for men.

His fifth point is that of family, divorce courts, and fatherhood. Men are at a significant disadvantage in custody battles. The significant importance of a father’s role in a child’s development on all levels is being ignored and muted.

Finally, Farrell highlights how boys are falling behind in school, as they are more likely to drop out of school or face more disciplinary action than girls. The crisis of boys becoming healthy men is at an all-time high. He promotes gender empathy not a gender war on both sides and invites dialogue between the two.

Is this all being made up? Why has this not been addressed in our culture before? What are the facts? What is the data on this topic? Well, let’s look at the numbers.

100% of oil and gas extraction deaths are men. (2005-2014)
99% of combat deaths are men. (MRA)
99% of construction fatalities were men. (2022)
98% of roofer deaths due to falls were men. (2018)
98% of firefighter fatalities were men. (2022)
96% of farming / agriculture deaths were men. (2001)
94% of work-related deaths are men. (MRA)
94% of trucker fatalities were men. (2022)
93% of US inmates in prison are men. (2023)
92% of logger deaths were men. (1998-2022)
91% of mining deaths were men. (2022)
90% of police officer fatalities were men. (2022)
76% of homicides are toward men. (MRA)
75% of suicides are men. (MRA)
75% of drunk driving arrests are men. (2018)
65% of inpatient substance abuse program admissions are men. (2022)
2018-2022 in the last 25 years fatalities in dangerous jobs:
- Combined Total: 134,424
- 3% are Male 122,233
- 7% are Females 10,191
- Men have a 9 times higher fatality rate than women working in dangerous jobs.

Indeed, men are more likely to work these more dangerous jobs than women. That is the argument and the point most often used. You can also say men are higher risk takers (make more foolish choices) and are the physically stronger gender, which is most often true. Does it help or hurt men that the history of society also expects, assumes, and promotes men to fill these roles?

Let’s look at divorce or family court. What are the numbers when it comes to child custody, and alimony, etc.?

90% of divorces are initiated by women when she has a college education. (2024)
70% of divorces are initiated by women. (2015 American Sociological Association)
85% of child custody payers after divorce are men. (2022)
75% of women self-report verbally or emotionally abusing their male partner. (2010)
20% of men get full child custody after divorce. (2018)
3% of women pay alimony to men after divorce versus men who pay 97% to women. (2010)

How did marriage become like this? To understand, we must look at some history that few people are aware of. Marriage is a legal contract you sign with the government. It was not always this way but occurred in 1913 here in the United States in the passage of the Revenue Act. In 1929, the US government then passed the law on the marriage license(s). More than ever, marriage has now become the best or worst financial decision you can ever make, especially for men.

Some would argue, and family lawyers even admit, it has become a Contract of Adhesion. What is a contract of adhesion? It is defined as: a non-negotiable contract where one party, with a superior bargaining position, drafts the terms and offers them a weaker party on a take-it-or-leave-basis. The government through legislation has created several state and federal laws “standard form of contract” for marriage when the church got in bed with the US government in 1913 with the revenue act for tax benefits and again in 1929 with the never needed before “marriage license.” Couples now do not create their own terms when it comes to marriage. Instead, they must accept the pre-existing legal framework that now govern marital rights and responsibilities, which do not benefit men or fathers.

So, what does this mean? Promises men make are legally enforceable by the government(s) (superior bargaining position) during marriage and after divorcing due to the marriage license, aka contract, as we see by the numbers above.

Men (the weaker party) are forced to continue to provide financially with additional penalties if they fail. They will also lose access to their children and with the threat of imprisonment if they fail the judge’s orders (take-it-or-leave-it).

Whereas women are not legally forced or threatened to continue to provide financially, emotionally, relationally, or sexually to her ex-husband. Can you imagine the outrage if this was expected? So why the double standard(s)? Why are the promises women make in marriage not legally enforceable like they are for men? If they were equal, would women initiate divorce less often? Would divorce rates reduce if it was less financially rewarding for them as women?

I am not saying this is the answer; however, this needs to be debated. “Cory, are you saying I should stay with my husband that is physically, verbally, emotionally abusive or struggle with addiction(s)?” No, obviously not. Here is a previous blog I did on this topic of Convent vs Contract Marriage: https://www.transformedhearts.com/covenant-vs-contract-relationships/.

Have men become nothing more than slaves with financial chains to only work and support society, all and only for the benefit of women and children? This has taken a significant toll on men financially, emotionally, as well as their mental health as evidenced by suicide, homicide, and addiction data. Is this linked to why the marriage numbers are falling and the younger men going their own way (MGTOW)?

In my research for this blog and this series, I found the story of Norah Vincent who was biologically a woman who preferred dating women. She decided to live and dress as a man for two years. After 18 months, she ended the social experiment early due to the emotional and psychological stress she experienced as a woman resulting in a nervous breakdown.

Check out the story of Norah Vincent https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXHYV_H7owI&rco=1 and her book The Self-Made Man; My Year Disguised as a Man. Unfortunately, 16 years after the publication of her book and the experiment, she committed suicide. Granted, she struggled with depression most of her life, and I am not saying this is why she committed suicide. I am saying and believe we can all learn from her work and her life to better inner-stand how men also suffer, even though differently than women.

So, are men disposable? I do not believe either gender is disposable or expendable. In fact, there are speculative projections that if all men stopped working the negative sociality, structural, economic, supply chain impact would collapse and create a third-world country in less than 30 days.

Both genders have tremendous value that complement the other. This is not about either side being more “right” or “wrong.” Generally, the men I work with just want to be heard, understood, and appreciated. Next, to better inner-stand this topic of the gender war and our sexual culture, we will look at the role feminism has played.

Cory Schortzman Executive Director

Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.

Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.