“John, I want you to know that you are a good man! Deb, I want you to know that you are an amazing woman. I believe this about each of you, but nothing will change for you until you begin to believe this about yourself. Once you get this from your head to your heart, everything will change.”
Most people look down at the floor and say things like, “Cory, you don’t even know me. You don’t know the things I have done. I’m not a good man. I have done so many bad things.”
Many people struggle with feeling of worthless and being unworthy, but why do people reject positive things said about them? Why do they have such a difficult time believing they have good character qualities inside them? Yet, they will quickly embrace the negative words spoken to them by not standing up for themselves or even agreeing with hurtful words. They will also talk to themselves in moments of frustration, “I am such an idiot. I am never going to change. That was stupid of me to do. My life is never going to get better.” What is this about?
Here are 7 characteristics of people who embrace feelings of worthlessness.
- Wounded – They generally suffer from real or imagined traumas, abuses, neglects, hurts or painful incidents they have experienced in their life. They have not been able to get past them or let them go.
- Warlike – Because they have not been able to let go of the wounds they have experienced in the past, they’re in a constant state of suppressed or expressed anger. Their hearts are at war, and they look to war with others. They are offended but may not admit such. They struggle with forgiving those who have hurt them. They want justice, as their rights have been violated. It is everyone else’s fault. They most often medicate with an addiction. They allow their emotions to dictate their actions.
- Worrisome – They can be burdened by negative thinking, scarcity mindedness and have a heart of fear which robs them of joy.
- Weary – They live in a constant state of anxiety. Because of this, they are emotionally, physically, spiritual and financially fatigued. This negative energy keeps them exhausted. They are externally motivated by pain and life live life to avoid such.
- Wasteful – Unfortunately, this sounds cruel, but people who struggle with feeling and believing they are worthless are some of the most wasteful people I know. They are poor managers of their time, money and resources; yet, they believe they are victims of their circumstances and cannot make lemonade out of the lemons life has given them. They believe they are entitled to what they want without having to do any work. They believe they are stuck. Generally, they are very codependent.
- Weak – Because so much of their energy is spent in harmful thinking, it weakens their will, body, mind, spirit, heart and soul at the cellular/molecular level. They may be eating poorly with little to no exercise. What you fill your mind and body with is what you will become. Do some of your own research on epigenetics or read some of the works by Dr. Caroline Leaf.
- Worthless – Combined with all of the above, feeling and believing one is worthless is a natural outcome – garbage in, garbage out. They are in a prison they cannot see or touch. They believe they are loved for what they do. They feel as though not doing things perfectly disqualifies them from being loved.
Here are 7 characteristics of people believe who believe they are worthy.
- Willing – The first step to believing you are worthy is the willingness to change. They are teachable and see the mess their choices have made in their life. They are willing to try something different.
- Wise – They know that life is not always about right or wrong, but it is about being wise or foolish. They understand that foolish choices over time will create of great deal of pain. Moving out of this pain is now a priority. The more often they make wise choices the better life becomes.
- Wanting – Their heart and mind is now awakened to new possibilities. They are beginning understand that you are only as stuck as you believe you are. “I am my own worst enemy.” They are beginning to understand that life is theirs for the taking. In this life, they can choose life or death. They have a whole new understanding of “If you believe you can… or if you believe you can’t, you are right.”
- Wondering – They use their imagination to see the future. They are the dreamers. They are the outsiders. They are told by others that they can’t, but they believe
“I can, and I will.” They make the impossible possible. They are endlessly creative and resourceful. They swim upstream against the current while everyone else around them is swimming downstream. They believe adversity is an opportunity.
- Whole-Hearted – They are self-motivated and internally motivated by a desire to change. They are hungry to learn more and never stop learning new things. They may go back to school and earn not just one but several degrees. They may start reading anything and everything. They are not codependent.
- Worthy – They are secure in their God-given talents, abilities and gifts. They have an unshakeable God-fidence. They believe who God says they are and who God says they can become, not who the world says they might be or should be.
- Winners – They are victors who once believed they were victims of everything and everyone. They have owned and taken responsibility for their poor choices. They have forgiven themselves. They know they do not need to be perfect to be loved. They know they are loved for who they are not for what they do. They have faced and accepted the scariest person they will ever meet…themselves. They have a new freedom and want to help set others free!
Are you worthless or are you worthy? You will become what you believe – nothing more and nothing less.
Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.
Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.