Stop Trusting Old Programs (S-T-O-P)

Just STOP IT!

I remember an old Saturday Night Live skit with Bob Newhart. In the skit, he is a psychologist, and a woman comes to his office for her therapy session. “Dr. Bob” explains his strange billing practice that he only bills the first 5 minutes at five dollars. She is hesitant but proceeds to explain that she has a fear about being buried alive in a box. He quickly interrupts her and gives her the advice by shouting out loud, “STOP IT!” She is taken off guard by this, but she continues to explain it’s just not that simple. They agree to disagree. She tries to explain her other problems about eating, relationships with men, and washing her hands a lot. After each issue, she wants help and he simply yells, “STOP IT!”

Now, his method is not loving or kind, and I would not recommend they build rapport, but the information he stated is true and correct. He is not wrong by sharing this truth, but this is not easy for most to just…stop it.

Another acronym I share with clients is S-T-O-P (Stop Trusting Old Programs). What do I mean? What programs am I talking about? I explain this in the blog series on fear and the ego, which you can go back and read when time permits.

Programs can be any information that influences the way that you think, see, and feel about the world around you. News and television programs can influence you tremendously, as can what you read, the music you listen to or the people you interact with.

More importantly, programs are oftentimes the thoughts that run through your mind during the day created by the super ego or what we call the critical parent voice that shames or blames you. The thoughts the ego runs through your mind that creates separation and division with others. The ego tries to convince you that you are “right,” and everyone else is “wrong.”

Here are some examples of thought programs that can run constantly:

I deserve better.
I do not deserve better.
I hate my life.
My life will never change.
Life is unfair.
People cannot be trusted.
God cannot be trusted.
My partner cannot be trusted.
The world is evil.
Children should do what their parents say.
I do not like the way I look.
I do not like ______ parts of me.
I do not like who I am.
People are staring at me.
People hate me.
I hate myself.
If I do not do what they ask, they will not like me.
I should do ______.
I should not do ______.
I am loved when I do things right.
I am loved for what I do.
How do I not disappoint my partner today?
How do I not relapse?

You get the picture. Which ones do you relate to? What are some of your thought programs that run through your mind (computer) all day long, slowing down your “operating” system? I know when I have too many programs open on my computer, it gets very sluggish and inefficient.

We must not only Stop Trusting Old Programs, but we must then Start Training Our Purpose, or training FOR your purpose.

What is your purpose?

Too often we get caught up in NOT doing things in recovery and trying to STOP. I have found this to be exhausting and less effective with my clients. Much like sports, playing defense is exhausting, but offense is generally more fun and fulfilling as you can enjoy scoring points. I find it much easier for people to figure out what are they fighting for as compared to what are they fighting against?

This simple shift can give you a tremendous advantage.

For example, changing the thought, “how do I not disappoint my partner today?” can be changed to “how do I pursue or fight for them today?” “How do I not relapse today?” can be changed to “how to I encourage, support, and serve others today?” “I do not like who I am,” can be changed to “these are the things I like about myself” or “I like who I am becoming.”

Take some time and create your own acronyms for STOP. Make a list of the 5 thoughts or programs you need to change, turn off, or delete. Stop and start to move from defensive recovery to offensive recovery today.

Cory Schortzman Executive Director

Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.

Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.