What is Belief?

In our last blog, we looked at why unlearning and change is so difficult. Part of unlearning is about rejecting and letting go of old beliefs. Now, we all have beliefs about ourselves, others, money, science, religion, spirituality, politics, relationships, how to make eggs or stay healthy, what is “right’ and what is “wrong”, etc.

Beliefs are great and have served me well. However, I have noticed in my life most of my beliefs were formed when I was young and single. They were great and helped me survive. Now as a married older man, some of those beliefs have not been helpful or beneficial for me anymore.

What is a belief? I like to study words and the etymology of words. As we look at this word etymologically, it can mean “to have faith or confidence, to be persuaded of the truth, to hold dear, to love, credit upon the grounds of authority or testimony without complete demonstration, accepted as true, being of the opinion.”

What if I told you that your beliefs…lie to you? For example, just look at the word and break it down, be-lie-f.

What is in the middle of every belief? What do you see? [be-LIE-f.] The word l-i-e.

“Cory, are you saying my beliefs are a lie or are lying to me?” Yes, that is what I am saying.

The word lie is defined as a falsehood, to deceive, to speak falsely, an untruth, or to betray.

According to the definition, a belief is that of an opinion that you hold dear and love that you give authority over your life, which does not completely demonstrate what is true but is accepted as true.

I know this can be a lot and most often creates cognitive dissonance, as many people become defensive. Most beliefs create a prison that limits what we are willing and unwilling to do to change. (If you want to know more about cognitive dissonance, read those blogs on our website by using our search tool.)

How is this possible?

If you think about it, as you are learning new things (how to bake cookies, grow a garden or bonsai tree, how to invest in bitcoin, how to golf, etc.) you are seeking knowledge, information, and data. You are putting the pieces together in how to get from point A to point B. You do a lot of research and look at different perspectives as well as the opinions of others in regard to what has been successful or unsuccessful. You are a great student.

Let’s say you choose gardening and begin to apply what you are learning. Now years and decades have passed. The student is now the teacher. As a teacher, you no longer research anymore. You believe you know what does and does not work to grow and maintain your garden in your area with your climate, seasons, and soil type. You have become successful in selling your produce.

Twenty years go by, and you are now stuck in your beliefs. Your garden is no longer as productive as it once was. You are frustrated, as your neighbors garden is far better than yours, but you do not know why. The cost is exceeding the profits. You talk to them, and they explain new methods of gardening technology, seeds and fertilizers, which you refuse to acknowledge. So, you continue to lose profits and become more frustrated.

This is an example of why beliefs (although helpful for a period of time) can become harmful and imprison us from changing. Once you embrace a belief and you think you know what is true, you STOP growing and learning.

This is why beliefs can be so harmful. Now, I am not saying you can’t have any beliefs. We all have them. They are a part of life and how the human brain works. However, it is important to unlearn that once you believe something to be true that you cannot change it. This is not a wise way to live.

Religious and political beliefs are, oftentimes, the most dogmatic and difficult to change, as they are typically connected to strong emotions, family, and cultural loyalties.

The things I once believed about parenting and how to parent children before I had children have changed tremendously. Kerry and I are blessed with four daughters. Just when we thought we knew how to parent our first child, our second child taught us otherwise. By the time you think you have it figured out with four children, the teen years show up! You get the point.

It is okay to change your beliefs. It is necessary you change your beliefs. Being flexible and adjusting to what life is teaching you is critical for healthy relationships. Oftentimes, beliefs carry the assumption that they can never change. It is okay to self-correct and adjust.

As we have learned in our series on the ego, ego has you convinced that your beliefs are you, and you are them. This is not true. Ego wants you for itself and will destroy all of your relationships and isolate you by convincing you that you are “right,” and they are “wrong.”

Take some time today and consider questioning your beliefs. Does this belief give me life to me and my relationships? Does this belief bring separation, chaos, and destruction to my relationships? How does this belief make me feel? Who would I be without this belief? How can I change my belief and make it healthier? Be brave and courageous, as you set yourself free from the limiting l-i-e-s and experience unlimited l-i-f-e!

Cory Schortzman Executive Director

Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.

Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.