What is Complex PTSD?

I want to apologize to all the men who have ever been shamed by a clinician or group while trying to get help for their addiction(s) or intimacy/sexual anorexia issues. You have been told to try harder: stop lying, hiding, being lazy and start being more honest, pursue her, or shut up and listen. You may have even been told you are the reason she is in pain or that you caused this. To no avail, you have done everything that has been asked of you for months or years. For some even decades later, your marriage has not improved but has become worse, as your partner has now weaponized recovery to their advantage to tighten the noose.

For over the last two decades, it has been thought that men are narcissistic predators intentionally hurting their female partner(s), emotionally, financially, relationally, spiritually, and even physically. In some cases, that may be correct; however, more often than not, that is only true in the minority of cases.

I have written about the shamed men and victimized women model many recovery programs and counseling practices have embraced. This model gets immediate results but does not provide long-term change. Many female partners suffer from trauma, such as PTSD, from their partner. However, the trauma or PTSD occurred before they met or married their male spouse.

In the last few years in the behavioral health world, there have been a number of books and blogs written about CPTSD, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is not to be confused with PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Generally, PTSD is identified when someone suffers from auditory, visual, physical, or even olfactory flashbacks from a past event caused by a present triggering or stressful event recalling it as if the traumatic event is happening again in the now present moment. This causes the person to move into a fight or flight state that paralyzes them with an inability or ineffective means of dealing with the present moment.

CPTSD is identified when someone suffers emotional flashbacks or recalls events from past life experiences that are triggered by a present stressful event reliving the negative emotion(s), such as anger, fear, disgust, jealousy, hurt, abandonment, rejection, neglect, humiliation, embarrassment, etc. This causes the person to move into a freeze, fight or flight state, which disables them with the ability to respond effectively in the present moment with the triggering event.

PTSD and CPTSD are not gender specific. However, statistically women and girls are more often victims of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. Generally, the female psyche is better equipped to deal with and heal from trauma than the male psyche.

It has been my observation that the male psyche can suffer and experience less childhood trauma than their female counter parts but suffer greater as adults. Generally, the male psyche is less emotionally equipped to process and heal from the traumatic experience and emotions than the female psyche.

Men are far more likely to struggle with drug, alcohol, sexual addictions, and intimacy anorexia than their female counterparts. These men also have a higher divorce rate than their female counterparts that suffered greater abuses and traumas.

It is unclear to me why. It could be a combination of nature and nurture. It could perhaps be the differences between the male and female brain as well as cultural, religious, gender stigmas, and expectations in which they grew up. For example: “Men/boys do not cry. Stop being so emotional. Emotions are a sign of weakness. Don’t be such a girl/pussy.”

I like to think of CPTSD as Childhood PTSD or Chronic PTSD, as this also describes the time period and length of the trauma. It is my observation that children who grew up in single parent, divorced, or broken homes are more likely to suffer from CPTSD. Caregivers or parents who suffered from their own addiction(s), codependency, depression, anxiety, personality disorders (narcissism, borderline, schizophrenia), can all be factors that create a CPTSD environment for the child.

Parents who are passive aggressive or create a double bind for their children never know when the shoe is going to drop, or it feels like they are walking on eggshells around the caregiver. For example, a mother who emasculates, dominates, or shames the father, financial stress or burdening the child with knowledge of the lack of money and never having enough.

The child may have had to take care of the caregiver(s) emotionally, physically, or even financially. Generally, the child may have felt guilty or shameful to ask their basic needs to be met, such as food, clothing, shelter, or love. They were expected, however, to meet the emotional needs of the parent.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, take the CPTSD assessment today and receive an email for your FREE initial consultation.

Below are some additional helpful blog articles on this topic:

Sources: Complex PTSD from Surviving to Thriving. – Pete Walker

Cory Schortzman Executive Director

Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.

Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.