In my opinion, this addiction is the foundation of all addictions and compulsive behaviors.
This is the addiction to being offended.
This addiction is costing our families, communities, the nation and the world far more than just money.
This addiction to being offended feeds divorce courts, legal and civil law suits, creates famines, creates gangs, invokes religious and denominational splits, as well as local, national and world wars.
It has had a great cost and taken millions of lives.
This addiction fuels any and all other addictions, because it is related to and is the mother of resentment and bitterness.
Any recovery addict knows is the fuel that feeds their addiction to drugs, sex, alcohol, busyness, social media, gaming, food, shopping, hoarding, etc.
Being offended is so subtle and pervasive.
It convinces you that you are right and “they” are wrong.
It sets you up to fail and lose, even if you think you have won.
It always creates and feeds off polarity and dualism.
It creates division and shuts down communication between parties.
We have nice names for this, such as “political correctness”, “gossip”, or a “social justice warrior”.
Being offended causes the offended party to be deceived. The problem with deception is that it is so deceptive.
Here are some examples of thinking and behaviors that go on in this addiction.
- Can you believe what this person did to me? Well, let me tell you about ________.
- I got this awful email today from _____. Let me tell you about how so and so treated me.
- I cannot believe how I was disrespected by my husband/wife, mother/father, boss/employee, partner/spouse, pastor, leader, police officer, waiter/waitress.
- I deserve to be treated better.
- My rights have been violated.
You get the idea.
Once you are offended, you are trapped.
The problem is that you do not know you are trapped, and that is the deception.
Yet, you are deceived in being able to think clearly, love completely, and forgive whole heartedly.
It affects and infects you with your time, money, energy, thoughts and emotions, as it consumes you and your abilities.
You are now in bondage.
Many feel the pain and begin to medicate with an addiction to a substance or a cause.
Eventually, this addiction destroys relationships, finances, health and can even cost some their life.
Offended » Deceived » Addicted » Destruction/Death
The reality that many think and believe is real…is a lie.
They want the situation, organization, or people in their lives to change.
However, they do not understand the only common denominator in all of their relationships is them and no one else.
To admit this, would mean they are “wrong” or at “fault” and would have to change.
They will not let go of the offense until “justice” has been served according to them and their idea of “rightness.”
This is not a software problem. It is a hardware problem.
This is in the essence of their core beliefs that have helped them survive as a little boy or little girl.
As an adult, it will destroy them.
Hardware repairs are much more difficult than software repairs.
The only way out of this deceptive trap is to let go of the offense, but that would mean not getting “justice” and taking personal responsibility to change yourself.
Unfortunately, many, if not most, will refuse to make these changes, and it will cost them everything.
Most are too selfish and narcissistic to change.
They are entitled and, therefore, not teachable.
They choose only to accept and receive information that fits into their paradigm.
Everything and everyone outside their false reality is discarded and relationships ended.
They teach tolerance but are intolerant.
Personal responsibility, regret, remorse, and repentance do not compute.
Today, set yourself free right now.
Let go of the offenses, and stop accusing everyone else for your problems.
You are worth it.
Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.
Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.