Choices are not Life Sentences

Most of what I do in any given day as a therapist is encourage people and show them that they are not stuck. They have options to become unstuck. Now, not everyone likes the options they may have in front of them to become unstuck, but they do have options. Most of the time, 2-3 options are unfamiliar or uncomfortable. Regardless, these options do not make them unreasonable.

Many people suffer unnecessarily by believing they have made choice, and now that choice is a life sentence they can never change. The only life sentence I joke about is that of being a sibling. Being a sibling is a life sentence you did not choose. Now, if you believe your choices are life sentences, then you will remain stuck by your belief. Many times, our beliefs lie to us, which I have written about in previous blogs.

Many believe they have made a choice to work in a certain career field, live in a certain community, marry a partner who is now abusive, tolerate or accept a certain income, maintain a certain standard of living, vote for the same political party, practice the same religion, eat the same foods, hang out with the same friends, or keep the same hairstyle they had in high school, as they say “no” to requests from people they have always said “yes” to before. The list is endless. You get the idea and may think of some of your own examples.

In my own recovery, I have learned that my inability to change and make different choices most often comes out of my own codependency of what other people will think. My belief about what will my family, wife, kids, parents, community, clients, or church think if I start to live differently and change any of the above things mentioned.

The reason so many people suffer from anxiety is that their beliefs do not match their behaviors. This is a form of self-betrayal. For example, you have a belief about eating healthy foods, but you instead betray this belief and eat donuts several times a week. Your behavior is not in line or matching your belief to eat healthy. This is going to create anxiety. If you continue to betray yourself long enough, anxiety will become depression.

Now, you can change the behavior to match the belief, and the anxiety will most likely go away. However, you might really like donuts, so you might change the belief by saying to yourself, “I work hard. If I exercise a few times a week, I am going to reward myself with a donut.” This too will also help your anxiety go away, as you are no longer betraying yourself, and the belief and behavior are not in alignment.

This can be applied to almost any belief and behavior you have that is not in alignment. Choices and beliefs can be changed. It is okay. If you realize your beliefs can be changed, that is the first step.

Not only are your choices not life sentences, but your beliefs are not life sentences either.

The prison you are in is the prison your beliefs and choices keep you in. The key to unlocking yourself from the prison cell is on the inside. Set yourself free. Come on out! The water is great!

Cory Schortzman Executive Director

Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.

Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.