What if all this time we have been doing sexual addiction recovery wrong? Well, that may be an extreme, but we have been doing sexual addiction recovery foolishly in trying to help men overcome compulsive sexual behaviors. What good is sexual sobriety if we have not taught men and their partners about sexual polarity and the diminishing effects of ejaculation? Why are couples still struggling with intimacy and not staying happily married after years of recovery work and sexual intimacy?
I am realizing is that regardless, a man’s ejaculations to porn, masturbation, or during sexual intercourse with his partner, is that the sex addict is still addicted to ejaculating.
The etymology of the word comes from the Latin word eiaculari, which means to throw, or shoot out, related to the word iaculari, meaning to hurl, cast, dart, javelin; related to the word iacere meaning to throw, exclaim suddenly.
Generally, when something is thrown, cast, or shot out like a dart of javelin, it does not come back. It is gone, used, spent and unable to be used again in its former state. This makes sense, as we learned last week the sexual polarity or circuit is blown. She rolls over and falls asleep and becomes frustrated or unfulfilled outside and now inside the bedroom.
After reading several books by David Deida, I began to question the sexual addiction recovery community and its tactics. What if there is more? What if we are missing something? How can this be done better? What if these men, and most men for that matter, are just addicted to ejaculating?
Deida writes from his book The Enlightened Sex Manuel: “A man who ejaculates too frequently often finds himself addicted to stimulants such as coffee, cigarettes, or pornography. Even the stress of his career or profession may function something like a stimulant, compensating for his spent internal energy…Alternatively, a man who doesn’t ejaculate frequently enough may become overly picky, angry, and obsessed…becoming prone to a special diet, religious belief, or social cause.”
From his well-known book, The Way of the Superior Man: “To realize the full potential of sex, you must learn how to recondition your body and nervous system. You must learn how to unhabitualize the mechanics of your ejaculation and convert your orgasm into a massive profusion of energy which deepens, not ends, the lovemaking session…The superior man’s orgasm more often explodes up his spine and into his brain…this technique for converting orgasms into rejuvenative orgasms involves contracting the pelvic floor near the genitals and drawing energy upward along the spine, through the use of breath, feeling and intention.”
Until I read these books, I had never heard of what I would call an internal brain orgasm that moves up the spine and rejuvenates.
This is known as Tantric Sex. For thousands of years, this has been practiced and known by cultures in the East. In the West, this is lesser known and practiced. Tantric is a western form of erotic spiritualism. The root word tantra means groundwork, a system a doctrine, related to the root word tan or ten meaning to stretch or extend, a string to make thin. This word can also mean to abstain, contain, continue, retain and the word temple. Temple is a place of worship, and the other form meaning refers to the flat area of either side of the forehead.
Your temple (brain/body) is the temple (place of worship) of energy that is meant to rejuvenate and energize both genders, making the bond stronger, not weaker.
I am not sure about you, but I may want to begin paying attention to information that has been around for thousands from the East that might help us in the West.
In our next blog, we will look at the specific types of sexual polarity of the feminine and masculine.
Sources: The Way of the Superior Man, The Ultimate Sex Manuel, Intimate Communion by David Deida, etyomonline.com
Cory Schortzman Executive Director
Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.
Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.
Kerry’s books include: Ashes to Beauty the Book and Ashes to Beauty the Workbook
Co-authored books include: 101 Blogs to Transform your Life, Volume I and Offended Deceived Addicted
