Fear, Part I

“Fear is the Foundation of Most Governments” – John Adams

Several years ago, I was reading The Bonds That Set Us Free by Terry Warner. He writes about how we lie to and betray ourselves with negative, blaming emotions we feel. I remember being only about 25 pages into the book and was ready to through it in the garbage. In his book he states, and I am paraphrasing, that any and every time we feel negative emotions about a situation or others, we are deceived and believing a lie.

Now keep in mind, I had been in recovery for about 8 years at that time. I had completed the 12 steps, worked through workbooks, read dozens of books, and even written a few books of my own. I was helping others come out of addiction, specializing in sex addiction and intimacy anorexia treatment. What was going on?

Any and every time we feel negative emotions, we are believing a lie? I was thinking to myself that I feel negative emotions all the time, every day. How can this be true? What was I still missing? Dang, if this is true, I still have a lot of work to do. How can I even think I can help others? Am I still lying to myself?

My negative emotions were based on…fear. Over my life, slowly and unconsciously, fear and panic began to take over my thoughts and emotions.

In her book Return to Love Marianne Williamson states, “Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth.” She also explains that there are only two emotions in which all other emotions come from, and those are fear and love.

I agree that unlearning old habits and emotions is far more difficult than learning new ones. Could this be the next step in my spiritual journey? Are there really only two emotions in which all other emotions come from? I am not sure I agree with that, so I decided to meditate on that one.

As the weeks went by and I began to think about it, I began to realize something. If I feel negative emotions so often and all negative emotions are not true as they create a distortion and deception of my perception and all negative emotions originate from fear, then fear itself is a lie. Then anything and anyone that encourages, supports, duplicates, pushes, promotes, and propagates fear is also a lie. I began to realize that she was right. Fear and Love are the two emotions that all other emotions come from.

I began to realize my childhood religion was based in fear by dos and don’ts in order to enter heaven or avoid hell. My education was bathed in fear when the AIDS crisis hit. Don’t have sex. Let’s not forget “Just say No to Drugs.” Don’t drink alcohol or smoke pot. Eat these foods from the food pyramid and not those.

The legal system was all about what laws to obey; and if you don’t, you will face fearful consequences, as you can be charged with a fine, be taken to jail or even prison. The news media television, radio, and print all pushed fear regarding existing and possible wars, politics, plagues, viruses, potential financial collapse, Mount Saint Helens exploding along with the fear of weather.

Growing up in the Midwest, I remember being so afraid of tornadoes in the springtime that I would watch the news as much and as often as I could. I was fixated on every word they said, not wanting to watch or know more but…wanting to know more, desperately not wanting to go to bed in fear of dying in my sleep because of a tornado.

Now as an adult as I look at the world, I would say that not much has changed in my almost 50 years. Fear is alive and well more now than ever.

What is the world’s obsession with pushing and promoting fear?

I am still alive and well. None of those things I was told by my education, government, media or religious systems happened to me or those I love. What if none of them ever will happen? What if they are all lies? But why would so many institutions lie to us about so many things all the time?

Science shows that fear creates stress, and stress creates cortisol in the body which weakens the immune system and increases your chance of becoming physically, mentally, and emotional unbalanced or sick. A population that is sick is more easily controlled.

As I tell all my clients, seek the truth for yourself. Do not believe anything Cory says. Next week, we will look at how to begin to overcome fear.

Cory Schortzman Executive Director

Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.

Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.