The Female Narcissist Part II

In part one, we discussed a deeper understanding of female narcissism. In this blog, we are going to look deeper into the lesser-known issues, such as delusional or thought disorders.

After full disclosure verified by a polygraph, I have noticed this is where female narcissism begins to appear. No matter how many support groups, number of steps completed, couples or individual therapy, and follow up polygraphs her male partner successfully completes; it will never be good, complete, thorough, comprehensive or… perfect enough.

Forgiveness, or her unwillingness to forgive to stop accusing him of his wrongs, is not her issue. It is his inability to change to her qualifications. She has done nothing wrong. She is only in recovery because of his addictions, infidelity, narcissism, selfishness and/or intimacy anorexia. If he was like her, perfect, the marriage would be restored.

If this is the case, most likely you are working with a female narcissist, who is an intimacy anorexic. In severe cases, this individual may also be struggling with a delusional or thought disorder. This is a couple who moves from one therapist to the next. As a therapist, you will be fired as soon as the female narcissist has found someone who will validate and never challenge them.

I address this in our most recent book “Offended Deceived Addicted.”

Delusional disorders or thought disorders are lesser known and can be very difficult to detect. Generally, they are only clearly diagnosed with a psychological evaluation and are extremely subtle.

Generally, this is an individual who is very believable and convincing, because they believe the delusion(s). Over the years, I have worked with several couples, and it takes a trained professional to identify this disorder. Even then, an individual may go under the radar. I have seen this type of disorder more often in women than in men. I believe being offended is the primary birthplace for this type of disorder.

After an individual is diagnosed and identified, they will generally deny they are delusional. Treatment is difficult to nearly impossible, as cooperation from the individual to receive help or take medications that can stabilize them is met with great resistance. This type of disorder is generally fatal to a marriage or very harmful at best.

Erotomanic Type (erotomania)

This is an individual who believes that another person is in love with the individual. They attempt to make contact with the desired person in an obsessive manner.

Grandiose Type

This is an individual who has an inflated sense of self-worth, power, or knowledge. They struggle with their own identity or may believe they are famous.

Jealous Type

This is an individual who believes their sexual partner is unfaithful when it is untrue. They may obsessively seek out evidence in an attempt to find or provide proof of infidelity.

Persecutory Type

This is an individual who believes they are being poorly treated by others. They believe others are trying to drug, spy, and/or harass and harm them— even when there is no evidence.

Somatic Type

This is an individual who believes they have a physical defect or general medical condition.

Mixed Type

This is an individual who may show two or more of the discussed types but with no one theme that is predominate.

Unspecified Type

This is an individual who has delusions that cannot be clearly determined by any of the above.

This is very heavy information. If you identify with this as a male or female in the relationship you are currently in or have been in throughout your past, you need to understand that you are not alone and there is hope! Professional help will most likely be needed. You are flawed. You are loved. You are imperfect. Welcome to humanity.

Cory Schortzman Executive Director

Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.

Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.