The Sexual Marketplace

In this next blog series, we are going to look at the current sexual culture here in the west. This may be happening on a global level due to social media and the connection of the internet, but I will be speaking from the perspective with the culture here in the United States.

This information will apply to you regardless of your age, gender, or marital status. Some of this information will be uncomfortable and unfamiliar to you. Even as a professional in the field of sexual addiction and intimacy issues, the topics I will be covering have challenged me to think differently.

In short, the sexual marketplace is about behavioral economics. Men provide money and things and women provide sex. Economics is about supply and demand. Generally, men are measured for what they give up. Women are measured for what they give.

Think of the masculine as the buyer and the feminine as the seller. Each play their part, bringing different items of value for the marketplace to exist.

It is that simple, or is it? Has it changed? Why has it changed, and why should we even care?

In his book, The Value of Others, Orion Taraban Psy.D. does a great job giving an in-depth through look through the lens of evolutionary psychology of an economic model of sexual relationships.
I highly recommend you read the book or listen to it.

The Rules of the Game

The sexual marketplace is much like a game. Like any game, it has rules or laws and a goal. Think of the “game” as behavioral economics that society runs on but few are conscious of.

It is a law that relationships are formed when people transact unequal goods for comparable value. So what problem of living are they attempting to resolve?
Some games have higher stakes than others.
There are biological sex roles / laws of gender of the feminine and masculine.
If people get too little of what they want (or too much of what they do not want), they stop playing. The relationship ends.
Wanting someone that does not want you and trying harder will not help them want you more.
Personal relationships or games are different than business / professional relationship games.
Additionally, every relationship is a different game, even if it is the same type.
The sexual marketplace game is most often a covert / subconscious balance sheet of debts, credits, value and payments with sexual behavior of mating and dating.
The currency of the sexual marketplace can involve money, but it is more often about sexual opportunity, interaction, and barter.

The Factors of the Sexual Market Place

Assets to Trade: As we discussed, men bring commitment. However, they also bring their resources and ability to earn more, power, influence, and status to the table. Women bring beauty, youth and fertility. Gender itself is an asset, as both have what the other needs to be whole and assure human longevity, especially when it comes to having children and creating families, which has a direct effect on a nation’s economy. Power is important to understand. The most powerful person at the table, or the one with the most leverage, is the one who needs the other’s assets or resources since they are trading the least; yet they have the ability to walk away first. This can occur because they have other cheaper options or have figured out how to fulfill the want or need on their own.
Attractiveness and Value: Beauty and attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder and what is of value and the value being returned. These “attractiveness” factors include, but are not limited to, age, physical appearance, social status, and gender. Value is things such as bio-family history support and their resources, career success and education, financial health, mental health, driven-ness, creativity, vision, hard work, attitude, resourcefulness, stability, reliability, teachability, and character, etc.
Supply and Demand: Like any marketplace, abundance and scarcity drive the market. If things like beauty, intelligence, or a six-figure income are in demand and the supply is low, the price will be high. If there is large supply of beautiful, fertile women, or 6-foot-tall men with a low demand, the price or trade value will be low.
Cultural and Technological Evolution: As humanity and cultures change and evolve, the assets and value of those assets each gender brings to the table often change. A large strong man with the ability to shoot a gun, ride a horse, build with his hands, understand plants and herbs, provide for and protect a woman had great value in 1825. A woman’s ability to cook, clean, bear and raise many children was of high value 200 years ago. Today. that man or woman with those traditional sex roles may have low value in a developed country but high value in an undeveloped country. Culture and its infrastructure have changed because advancements in technology, building materials, communication, refrigeration, medicine, automobiles, and working less for more money create freedom of time. Now, a woman’s ability to earn as much or more than her man has changed what is of value and what is not.
Dating Apps: Along with technology, I would be remiss to list in addition to the evolution of technology of dating apps. Dating apps have significantly changed and are reshaping the sexual marketplace. In my research and by the numbers information indicates, it is creating new problems that app creators and sociologists could not have predicted.

To understand what has happened, we need to understand Labor vs. Effort. In most any company, management is trying to get as much “productive effort” out of its workers for as cheap as possible. The employees will always try to get as much money from the company for the least amount of time and effort. Both sides need each other, but they are not generally “friends” in the big picture. Both need to continually decide if the “juice is worth the squeeze.” If either decides it is not, at any time, the relationship terms are renegotiated. If not agreed upon by both, the relationship will end.

Next, we need to understand Value and Payment. My wife and I have bought and sold many cars over the years as well as two homes. Generally, as the buyer, you are looking for a car with the lowest number of miles, new or newer with the least amount of damage for the lowest price. The same when looking at home. The buyer wants the largest most recent home, in the most desired location for the least amount of money. The sellers usually overvalue the item they are selling due to their ego or emotional attachment, as they are trying to get the most amount of money, regardless of the flaws or repairs that may be needed.

It is a game of deception and misdirection. Next, buyers and sellers are not generally friends, and both have a habit of not always being completely honest with the other in an attempt to “win” the game or complete the transaction with the best outcome that benefits themselves. The seller may exaggerate the number of other buyers they have to “justify” the high price. The buyer may minimize, omit or lie about the amount of money they can “afford” to put toward the purchase. This is known as the lying game. If we are honest, we have all done it regardless of the size of the purchase. You see this on Facebook Marketplace all the time.

Finally, for a transaction to occur in the marketplace, one party must have a desire or an attraction for the item you are selling. The seller must have a desire for the resource of the money, item, or service they are gaining in the transaction. If desire ends for either party for whatever reason, they transition to disgust, or now undesirable the relationship ends.

So, with this information, as we look at dating apps and why they have become so statistically unsuccessful, the women / sellers believe they have high value “real estate” because of the hundreds of thousands even millions of men / buyers across the planet trying to get the most expensive home at the cheapest price.

Sellers think supply is scarce, and they are a rare catch. However, men / buyers see the price as too high. Many men have chosen to step out of the market for a house or car. Men are now spending their time and money on less demanding items that give them more peace. Profit, and purpose.

The gap between labor and effort is no longer being negotiated or communicated between the sexes, because both will just swipe to the next item / profile. The value has become inflated to what buyers are willing to pay so the gap between the two sexes is greater than ever. Due to filters and the ability to create fake profiles with false information. the lying game is bigger than ever with no accountability. The market will self-correct, but no one knows how long this will take or how much the sexual marketplace economy will suffer before it does.

There are good-hearted individuals that desire to meet a partner with hopes of a long-term relationship. However, many are finding the sexual marketplace that dating apps have created to be disgusting and hopeless, as it has become a cold meat-market.

Source: The Value of Others by Orion Taraban Psy.D.

Cory Schortzman Executive Director

Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.

Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.