Many individuals are addicted to their negative emotions and the majority of the time, may feel negative emotions, such as fear, anger, resentment, bitterness, jealously, envy and unhappiness. Rarely, do they feel positive emotions, such as love, joy, peace, kindness, forgiveness, and happiness. Negative emotions are usually present first, which influences how people think and then influencing how they act or behave. However, positive emotions are less often present. To experience positive emotions, an individual must take action first and then behave in a kind or loving manner. The positive emotion comes second.
If you are feeling negative emotions, you are typically believing lies. “What?! How can that be? I feel negative emotions all day long. I have felt negative emotions since I was a child.”
Indeed, and I can relate. It was difficult for me to even comprehend anything different in my life. It has taken me years to unlearn what I thought was true about negative emotions and the prison I have put myself in. It has taken me much unlearning. I suffered from cognitive dissonance and Stockholm Syndrome regarding beliefs I thought were true about myself and others in the world around me.
Do you know people in your life who, most of the time, are negative or are offended about everyone and everything? They can be exhausting to be around. They are the Karens and Kevins of the world. If you do not know people like that, it may be that this could be… you.
Are you addicted to your negative emotions? When you feel negative emotions, you are unknowingly deceived and believe lies about every part of your life. You have trained your body to crave the chemicals that negative emotions feed your body.
You may have tried to change; however, generally after three days, your body will hijack your hypothalamus, part of your brain that can make you easily offended with someone or something in order for the cells in your body to get their fix.
You may have become happy, being unhappy. Admit it, you may be addicted to being unhappy.
Many partners of sex addicts and intimacy anorexics have suffered greatly from betrayal or being in a sexless and loveless marriage. However, the event or disclosure happened in a nano second. Years or decades later, their partner’s memory may relive it every day, remembering it over and over. They romanticize this one, or few, events hundreds of thousands of times to justify their negative behaviors toward this person. It is a form of meditation. It has become a ritual, a religion, or an idol.
They also practice sharing their memory about the event(s) with others who will listen, which only reinforces it, as if were happening in present. Over time, it is now stronger and even more extreme than the actual event originally was. The body is now addicted. They now live the event from ten years ago every day. Their future never changes, because they bring the past to the present every day.
Stop romanticizing the emotions of your past and start romanticizing your future. Begin to set yourself free today. Choose to forgive yourself. Choose to forgive them. Remember, you will not feel forgiveness until you act and behave forgiving first. The feeling of forgiveness will eventually come second.
Next, romanticize your future in the present moment. See and feel what the new future will be like when you think and feel that you love yourself along with the one who hurt you with a forgiving open heart.
Cory Schortzman Executive Director
Cory Schortzman is an author, speaker, teacher and licensed mental health professional. Since 2008, he has served as the Executive Director of Transformed Hearts Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He is the founder of SARA, the Sexual Addiction Recovery Association. Cory is passionate about helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction. He is also passionate about bringing awareness to the public and supporting the elimination of sex and human trafficking. Cory has been married since 1998 to his beautiful wife, Kerry, and lives in Colorado with their four daughters. He and Kerry have been seen on the CBS Early Show, Inside Edition, and ABC Good Morning America, Fox 21 News, and TLC/Discovery discussing the harm of sex addiction and the joys of recovery. He has also been heard on numerous radio programs.
Cory’s books include: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light the Workbook, Into the Light the Steps, Ashes to Beauty the Steps, 301 Dating Ideas, 301 Conversational Ideas, 301 Ways to Say I Love You, 301 Ways to Love Your Children & 301 Recovery Tools & Tips.
Kerry’s books include: Ashes to Beauty the Book and Ashes to Beauty the Workbook
Co-authored books include: 101 Blogs to Transform your Life, Volume I and Offended Deceived Addicted
